Mother of God by Caitlin Elizabeth
8
FOURTH OF JULY
As the besties reluctantly drive over the Golden Gate, Austin tries to lighten the mood. Always prepared for everything, they ask, ‘Did you bring ear muffs?’
Ellie pulls out the most ridiculous looking pair possible, with rainbows and skulls and glitter. ‘Yeah, I only had these ones from the Heavy Petting Zoo at Burning Man.’
‘Loves it. Why exactly do we need ear protection again? I thought fireworks were illegal.’
‘Oh, it’s better than that. Just you wait and see.’
‘I don’t like surprises with your family, they never end well.’
Ellie basks in the comfort of the light sparkling off the Bay, closing her eyes looking up at the sun, embracing the last minutes of peace before the mayhem. As the car races towards the rainbow-lined Robin Williams Tunnel, she finds herself bracing for impact.
***
Bang. Bang. Bang. Ellie cannot believe her eyes (or her covered ears). This is a new low, even for her family. Things couldn’t be worse. The cops arrived, and of course, everyone was over-the-moon delighted. The squad cars pulled up, sirens and lights blaring, eager to watch the post-BBQ surprise that Ellie’s uncle planned. A gun salute, straight into the Belvedere Lagoon.
With every shot fired, Ellie can’t help but wince and Austin looks like they are being physically operated on with no anesthetic. Somewhere during this hell-ish experience, Austin made their way to hit the punch bowl, but Ellie is (newly) attempting to be sober now. All she wants is to teleport to anywhere but here. Meanwhile, Gigi is openly smoking a joint, as a one woman protest.
As the bullets hit the water, this trio has the same thoughts rushing through their heads, telepathically communicating to one another with their eyes. What if a baby seal eats a bullet? How are the cops supporting this? When can we get the bloody hell out of here?
Of course, Uncle Timothy planned this literal gun show all by himself. On the back lawn of his sister’s recently In Escrow Belvedere home, overlooking the water, he set up a full folding table with 18 different types of guns and had the Freedom Ferry dock right in the lagoon. Of course, during the demonstration, he’s been very careful not to shoot too closely to his cherished vessel. He’s only made it through exhibiting three weapons so far, taking his sweet time to hold, caress, and show off each new “piece” to his audience of admirers. Sandra couldn’t be less interested, and even she thinks this is ridiculous, especially since she’s now in charge of Little Timmy who is in need of sleep, not a blown out eardrum.
Noticing her daughter’s displeasure with the flying bullets, Sue gestures to Ellie to smile. If she could, her mom would tattoo a smiley face over Ellie’s actual face. Meanwhile, Ray is scoffing at the two besties, clearly intoxicated with liquid courage. It's funny how alcohol brings real feelings right up to the surface. In Austin's dad’s case, it's typically some type of displeasure with his child. Ray hates when Austin acts in any way feminine. Like right now, screeching and hiding from the “celebratory” gunshots. He wants Austin to stand “like a man” and admire the bullets “like a goddamn American.”
Finally, Uncle Timothy puts his last gun down, turning to the crowd. ‘Thank you for coming, I didn’t think so many of you would show up like this. Don’t forget to tag me, my handle is CaliGunBoat. You know, I’d like us to take a moment today, to honor not just this holiday, but also, our freedom. I am so goddamn proud to be a rifle owner, a handgun owner, a pistol owner, I mean, I could go on for days. But now, I’d like to open up the floor to anyone else who’d like to say something they love about this beautiful country we are so lucky to live in. All this empty land, our ancestors just found and settled, finally building a better future for us and allowing us to be here, now, with our guns.’
The cops are filming him, even Live streaming, to show off this delightful patriotic celebration.
Austin whispers to Ellie. ‘This is so problematic, it will definitely go viral.’
Ellie looks at them, locking eyes with her grandmother too, as she takes a metaphoric leap onto the plank, putting one foot in front of the other, approaching her uncle, participating in the gun show she swore to never enter, like a liberal pirate.
Finally, she speaks. ‘I actually have a few words I’d like to say.’
Attempting to cut her off, her high-strung mother jumps in. ‘Elizabeth, this is not the time for your politics.’
Shocked, the “fearless” Uncle Timothy stands back, for once allowing his niece to have the spotlight. Austin and Gigi are currently on the verge of fainting, they are so horrified by what Ellie’s doing, wondering why she would ever subject herself to this.
‘It’s not political, Mom. Although Gloria Steinem says politics are personal, or maybe it was the other way around. Regardless, I’m not trying to preach. I have something I need to tell you all, so I’ll make it quick.’
No one utters a word.
‘Okay, well, first, I’m single.’ A few of the cops perk up in the background. ‘But I’m not available. To men. At the moment. Um, I broke up with Pete, who most of you know, because I met someone. Her name is Bethlehem and we met in Spin class. She’s from New Jersey and yeah, basically, I’m dating her now and I just thought you should all know.’ In her heart, she wants to do a mic drop, but instead, she ends with, ‘As Harry Styles would say, we’re all a little bit gay, aren’t we?’
With that, she simply walks off the plank, back towards her (two) supporters, with all eyes on her. Gigi and Austin are cheering like they just received a jackpot of beads at Mardi Gras, but Sue quickly shushes them before addressing the partygoers.
‘Oh, our Ellie, she’s always one to share too much. Honey, this is just a phase, you don’t need to announce it to the whole neighborhood! We all know you live in San Francisco! Plus, what about the grandchildren you owe me?’
Some laughs break up a bit of the tension, lingering in the air along with the leftover gun smoke.
Looking at the ground, Uncle Timothy sidles back up to the center, holding his chin while openly smirking. ‘Well, I wish I could say I was surprised but I saw this one coming from a mile away. I’ve always known you were queer, well before you did. Are you the man or the woman in your new relationship, with what was her name? Nazareth? Oh, sorry, I mean, Bethlehem?’
Ellie straightens up, ready to finally take on her uncle. She might not be able to say anything about the guns, but she can certainly stand up for the girls and the gays.
‘Her name is Bethlehem. She was raised in the foster system, got a scholarship to UCSF, studied biochemistry, and is now a doctor, for your information. I know this will come as a complete shock, but not everything centers around “the man.” Sometimes there is no man, can you believe?’
Austin comes up behind her, rubbing her shoulders, as a sign of support and also, a reminder to cool it. This is a battle she will never, ever win.
Uncle Timothy can’t hide his grin. It’s like he was waiting for her to get mad, even the slightest bit, so he could double down.
‘You know, if you’re gonna be a lesbian, you’re gonna have to toughen up a bit, not get flustered so easily. Isn’t that how you people are? What do they call it, butch?’
Shocked but not shocked, Ellie listens as (mostly) everyone has a good laugh, at her expense, per usual. This quickly triggers her to break her sober streak and hit the punch bowl. And her vape. And her stash of edibles.
By the time the night is over, she doesn’t even remember how much Uncle Timothy didn’t stop making fun of her, while her mother kept commenting that it’s all ‘just a phase.’
At least Ellie finally told the truth. For once.
CAITLIN ELIZABETH is a writer based in northern California. She is the author of everything in between, her debut collection of essays, featured in BookLife's Indie Spotlight for Memoir and Autobiography . Caitlin works with clients as a copywriter, ghostwriter, and creative consultant, offering support with writing projects, book manuscripts, content strategy, and creative guidance. She specializes in working with authors, coaches, and conscious brands. Mother of God is her first novel.